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Tips on recovery: On the heels of a heartbreaking affair

Orongo Daniel
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It's a normal reaction for someone to feel betrayed and question every aspect of their relationship after an affair [Photo| Atlanta Black Star]

It's completely heart-wrecking and shocking when you come to the unfortunate realization that your partner and close confidant, someone you trusted wholesomely was the one who pulled the rug from under your feet. Then the simple action could destroy all your life's hopes, dreams and visions.

It's a normal reaction for someone to feel betrayed and question every aspect of their relationship. Couples who have experienced some kind of cheating or even wholesale cheating can attest to this fact. It's soul crushing. However, if a couple manages to recover from this ordeal, the relationship can grow into a level of intimacy that was, prior to the affair, unfathomable.

Healing has to occur and time and space are required to faze out the shock and anger that the affected partner could be dealing with. If partners are willing to forgive and work through their issues then there will be layers of emotions to overcome.

Recovering from an affair is hard. It takes time, patience, compassion and a whole lot of empathy. If deep intimacy is to be attained once more then the couple need to have honest and real conversations. Affairs seem to reflect the difficulties in communication and the relationship as a whole- so engaging in detailed conversations and deliberations might even help a couple get better than they were before the admission of the affair.

Conflict within the scorned lover's feelings and the fluctuating wave of differing emotions is a classical aftermath of an affair and should be totally expected. As much as the offended partner would like to identify the root of the affair and understand the nature of the relationship between her partner and the other culprit- it's advisable not to demand all the graphic details that went down under the sheets. These details may create images that might prove impossible to erase from memory.

This doesn't mean that you should take it easy on the cheating partner. The partner on the wrong has to show deep, genuine remorse and cut off all ties with the affair partner. He must also offer full access to every channel of communication just to allay fears of suspicion and build trust. This simple action may also provide a platform to show and express empathy and comfort.

The road to discovery isn't a well-established route. It has lots of meanders and detours, however together the couple might be able to achieve full recovery.

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