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UASIN GISHU

4 types of ladies you should avoid when in an Eldoret matatu

Anyembe Wesaya
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Ladies in short skirts. [Photo/pulselive.co.ke]

Everyone needs moving from place to place in his or her life and public transport is one of the ways that facilitates easy movement. Matatu transport has all type of passengers. Ladies have unique characters always that sometimes are irritating especially in public means of transport. 

When in an Eldoret matatu or any other Public Service Vehicle (PSV) in Eldoret vicinity, try to avoid sitting next to a lady of the following character;

1. Wearing a short dress

Most Eldoret slay queens put on short dresses that leave out thigh. This is the mother of all temptations. The mini is bound to move upwards exposing more thigh-land. The higher it goes, the hotter things become. Unless you are ready to keep shifting your ‘gear’ back to neutral for the entire journey, avoid sitting next to this kind of lady.

2. Stunningly beautiful

If you are a man with some cojones, you are bound to want to strike more than just conversation. Her beauty is bad news for you. There is a high chance that she is already ‘booked’.  She has the premonition. She knows it before you say it. “Nibuyie chali yangu nini anniversary?” she will ask while showing you a picture of some guy. That’s one of those moments when courage get lost like National Youth Service (NYS) monies.

3. Carrying a lot of snacks

I came to the conclusion that Eldoret ladies generally use more money than men when travelling. This is mainly due to the purchase of overpriced snacks at stopovers. For a man, a meal of ugali-matumbo in a soot-covered eatery before the journey will last you for up to 10 hours if need be. An Eldoret lady’s single purchase can include salted potato chips, diet coke, Afya mango, popcorn, cakes mursik etc. “ Nifungulie dirisha” she would flatly state as though she is paying you. After throwing the wrappings for the devoured meal, dropping crumbs on your ironed jeans in the process, “unaweza funga ” is said with the same tone. They will bother you always.

4. Rumour Monger

You cannot miss an Eldoret lady who is the local grapevine hence keeps in constant contact with her sources and audience. It is likely that she has subscribed to an offer from her mobile phone service provider; for 10bob she gets free calls from 6am-6pm to 5 numbers. After hour-long calls filled with more gossip than E-News, she proceeds to give you an analysis of what and who she has been talking about, divulging intimate details of people whose existence you have no knowledge of. Even though she barely knows you, be sure she will discuss you in ‘detail’ later with her equally loud-mouthed compatriots. Comments such as “Aki huyo chali alikuwa anapumua vibaya ,” will be said followed by laughter. The only good thing about her is that she is not that hard to get.

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