Kibera marriages, just like anywhere else in Nairobi, are marred with all the challenges that affect urban societies.
There are many conflicts between spouses and these often times result to fights, separation, and even divorce.
Whereas the separation will be a tough thing for you to handle, it will with a bigger force trickle down to the children who did not have a say in your separation, and if not watched these child can fall into greater levels of anxiety.
Raising such a child therefore becomes a hard task and treads on the thin line between good socialisation and juvenile delinquency.
Here are five simple ways to help you raise your child and help them avoid anxiety after separation:
1. Be available when you promise to be
Especially for the parents not staying with the child, always stick to your promise when you tell the child that you will come to see them over the weekend. If you said you'd come over to see the child Saturday morning, make it Saturday and morning!
2. Do not talk ill of the other parent
Most divorced or separated parents tend to dwell so much on telling the flaws of the other parent. Depending on the child's level of love, such talk will wipe out the existence of one parent from the child's life. Eventually you will raise a child whom, even though they met their other parent regularly, was raised by a single parent. This extends into the child's adulthood where they exhibit social problems related with a missing father/mother upbringing syndrome.
3. Develop an emotional attachment
Always use the time you have with your child to develop an emotional attachment. Try very hard to be your child's source of happiness and be with them when they are low. Even when the child is staying away from you, they will always think of you and appreciate you.
4. Be cheerful and happy with the child
When you greet or say bye, always be cheerful. This will instil in the child the confidence that nothing is wrong. It will bring in the sense of security and confidence in life.
Separations are tough times for parents and could lead to depressions. However, do not let the child know the emotional battles you are fighting in the background. Instead you can create an environment of happiness where you share moments of joy together.
5. Do not introduce your other partners to the child
After that break-up, chances are that you will want to move on and get another partner. However, do not introduce the new partner to your child unless you are sure that it will not harm them psychologically. Children always have an attachment to the other parent and introducing your new partner to rival their parent will likely elicit rebellion. They will rebel on behalf of their biological father/mother.
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