You recently finished college, just got your first job and the first salary checked in.
Suddenly your room in your mother's house is too small. How can a full Sh 30,000 be 'eaten' in that karoom?
Plus, you are tired of sneaking in girls into your room. The last time your mum caught you, she threatened to cut off your balls.
She gave birth to you! She can as well give death to you; you know that woman. She 'left jokes' in 2018.
You decide to move very fast into your own place. You get a bedsitter because an assistant manager can't be sharing toilets with everyone in the plot.
Also, your ex-girlfriend once mentioned you have ugly legs. You do not want to torment your neighbours; your landlord might decide to give you back your rent plus interest, just because you have ugly legs.
You are wondering how to survive this new life? No worries, we got you.
This is the definitive guide to surviving a bedsitter. Okay, I'm lying, it’s just three tips:
1. Buy air freshener
Your mother's house always smelt fresh, almost like chapatis making love to kuku kienyeji stew.
You always wondered how it was so? Perhaps bad smells were afraid of her; she would enter the room, and all farts would see her and run away.
What you never noticed is the toilets and the sitting room were 17 miles apart.
Your bedsitter is basically a toilet with a sleeping area. For your sake and your guests, please buy air freshener and not the cheap stuff.
Go premium quality. Be generous with it. Otherwise, if your third girlfriend breaks up with you because of those smells, don't blame anyone.
2. Date reasonable women
Let's get real; your Sh 30,000 salary is peanuts in this country. And the adage is correct, "leave within your means."
There is nothing impressive about asking for overdrafts mid-month.
Since you are now working, you will start hanging out with different crowds. No more Sanford for you!
Now you know the difference between fresh juice at Java and mocktails at Art Caffe.
You will meet people who will make fun of your estate and the house you live in.
Girls can be really good at this. Apparently, she cannot date a man who lives in a shower cubicle in Kinoo.
Ignore her! If you choose to move to Lavington, because of her funny reasons, e.g. the air is fresher there, you will cry alone ooooh!
Plus, the landlords there do not understand that sometimes your salary can come late.
If there's any favour you can do to your pockets, date reasonable humans.
The truth is bedsitters are basically the size of a king size bed, especially if you live in Pipeline (sorry guys)!
You have limited space that should not be wasted because you throw clothes everywhere.
What is that 'sufuria' doing in your closet? Everything should be beautifully arranged in its proper place.
Forget that foolishness that a man should be dirty. That was acceptable on campus.
Here, we will get you evicted if all the rats and roaches are breeding from your house. Buy a damn broom and use it!