You certainly know of someone – if that that someone is not your father – who cannot function without testing the bottle. Basically, these people have approximately thirteen functioning brain cells that only get activated by alcohol. And when it does, they mutate into new elements altogether.
These are some of the elements:
English speaker
He forgets his mother tongue all of a sudden and begins speaking English even though evidence shows that he never went beyond class five yet he was born in the Kibaki era. The sentences are coherent enough for you to understand that the alcohol in him is speaking.
Circumcision fanatic
The favourite phrase of these drunkards, especially if they find someone they don’t like, is that ‘you bought the ceremony.’ This phrase is enough to cause world war three should the targeted person perceive as a gross insult, and never let it slide. In most cases, these drunkards spew words and terminologies that reveal how much they revere the ceremony, the way their forefathers became men.
The beggar
Once high, he wants more and more, something that his pocket said no a million light years ago. He resorts to pestering others, telling them how they knew so and so, beating stories that have neither arms nor legs in a bid to score a drink.
The flirter
When he gets past a certain alcohol threshold, anything in a skirt becomes a target. He will make overt advances, shouting for all and sundry to hear. Sometimes he is just too crude for the liking of other patrons especially older people.
The Pugilist
Alcohol reminds these kinds of drunkards of their long lost dreams of being champion boxers. It brings to their minds that day they beat the kid who was ranked higher than him back in primary school. It doesn’t help that the kid was sick that day. These drunkards want to beat basically anyone who does not agree with him.
Politician
It is often about William this, William that. He is the de facto political analyst, telling who cares to listen about how William will walk into state house very early in the morning, come that first Tuesday of August 2022.
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