If the best export from Africa to the west in the 21st century was Barrack Obama, the west has just found its timely export back when the clock was almost ticking off.
This came in the name of a woman with flesh and blood, and the holy land of descending is Nairobi!
A video of a Nairobi mzungu has been doing rounds the internet where the white woman tries to share her first-time experience using Blue Band margarine.
With a believable western accent, she leads her viewers to believe that she must still be smelling some perfume of KQ after her flight from majuu.
"I was looking at the store today for some butter, something to put on my bread, and I was told this is what Kenyans use to put on their bread like butter," she says while looking at the can with curiosity.
However, things take a sudden twist when she attempts to eat the toast in the 'western manner' and fails, something that forces her to resort to her Muluhya instincts around such moments of delicacy.
She first bashes wazungu for lacking the knowledge about the right foods.
"Ebu onako tu vile wazungu wanakulanga Blue Band. Wana maringo nyiiiingi sijui wanailetanga kutoka wapi. Hawajui utamu wa Blue Band," she says.
(Just see how wazungu eat Blue Band. They are too proud I don't know where they get the pride. They don't know the sweetness of Blue Band)
"Wacha nikuambie siri. Ushaona mzungu? Most wazungu hawananga matako. Matako yao inakuwanga tu flat sababu ya hii. Hawakulangi Blue Band," adds our cook-cum-fitness consultant.
(Let me tell you a secret. Ever seen a mzungu. Most wazungu have no ASSet. Their ASSets are always flat 😜 because of this. They don't eat Blue Band)
If you want to nona in the right places yaani hivi 👌🏿 and mbupumbamp! and still have nguvu ya kufanya kazi 💪🏿 then you must listen to this manifesto of eating.
Okay, the woman is from the west. Isn't western and the west one and the same thing converging at Kakamega just when bulls begin to fight? I also don't know 🤔.
In the meantime, we urge our supporters to be patient as we wait for Nairobi governor Mike Sonko to call and yell at her to stop threatening Nairobi's poor masses.