When I was learning to use Facebook, there used to be that joke that the easiest way to see a monkey is to take a mirror and look into it.
The joke was a hit, and we would laugh every time we re-read it on our Tecnos and other Chinese hoaxes.
Years down the line, the joke is no longer a joke but a dry patch that no longer elicits excitement.
Why? Is it that we saw the monkey so many times that it stopped mattering to us?
This week I watched events unfold in Nairobi during the visit by Donald Trump's wife. I wondered how quickly the monkey had escaped my mirror to give birth to millions out there.
(The East African Community is happy to present to you a Monkey Nation.)
As Trump's wife toured part of the city, we saw photos and live coverage of how she fed our little elephants in the animal orphanage.
When did we fail to cater for our animals that we needed outsiders to come and teach us?
The Monkey Nation was again reminded that some people are so considerate that after filling their own stomachs and those of their neighbours, they travel miles and hours in the air to go feed animals of their merry across the waters.
Trump's wife later went to feed children at Nest Children’s Home, an orphan centre. (Who is the founder of this home?)
How many unfed mouths in our families, leave alone neighbourhoods, how many unfed mouths cry into their sleep every day while we watch and do nothing?
As a country we have so much sunk in stealing each other's food that we need a former socialite to come and teach us how to be human.
We stood there clapping for her while a few metres away, children were fighting hunger pangs in Kibera as others towed the line into the world of prostitution and drugs to make ends meet.
Anyway, we clapped at the good gesture by Trump's wife.
Men and women who have been stealing from the poor stood there clapping. It's obvious that the more stealing you do the closer your proximity to Trump's wife and the harder you clap when she visits again.
The children danced and sang for Trump's wife. Of course they had spent the last months practising how to sing and dance before a person like Trump's wife.
They also prayed together after which the kids presented flowers (as their trainers said in the rehearsals).
Sterner Stuff
Later, Trump's wife met with First Lady Margaret Kenyatta at State House for a private meeting. Private.
This is the sterner stuff. After receiving flowers and taking photos for the public eye, we sit together privately and discuss what matters.
Ngugi wa Thiong'o would say that this is the small meeting of International Thieves at our Ilmorog.
After reading the written speech to the masses, former president Mwai Kibaki would put the papers aside and address the citizens from his heart. Trump's wife and the First Lady were now addressing each other based on their interests and the interests of those who sent them.
I am not saying there is any Holier Than Thou. I'm just pointing out. Painting.
Didn't Donald Trump himself send an army to protect his wife throughout the time she was in Kenya? Did it mean that he didn't want to trouble our underpaid police officers?
Whatever the case, our police officers maintained their radius, lest they anger the foreign delegates visiting our Ilmorog.
When Trump's wife spoke later, I had to put words in her mouth. Words of what she really meant:
“My time in Monkey Nation impacted our greed greatly and I want to thank every collaborator who took the time to meet with me the queen, especially Mrs Kenyatta. The hospitality that I received made neo-colonialism feel so real. I was awed by the ivory in Nairobi National Park and was very interested to earn more from Monkey Nation’s conservation efforts. The Nest is a prime example of what it means to indoctrinate and whitewash our next subjects – seeing their efforts shape the lives of so many future labourers is something I will never forget. I look forward to visiting the colony again in the future."