Ugandan women prefer their hair natural. That is likable. In Nairobi, women have all manner of hairstyles and they keep on inventing some. [Photo/ Fasean]
BY SILAS NYANCHWANI
There is something incredibly startling, when as a young man you meet your first ‘Are you married?’ question from an unsuspecting woman you have been flirting with the whole evening. It stirs you up and reminds you that you are not so young to be called a father or to be considered somebody’s husband.Well, for the last couple of months, I have been interacting with Ugandans, and their women in particular. Their naïve belief in the concept of love that many women in Nairobi now find laughable somehow has restored my faith in humanity. Rarely would you tell a woman in Nairobi that you genuinely love her without sounding like a cross breed of sheep and a monkey. Honestly, try it out. You will be dismissed by virtually every girl you will try it on.Kenyan men have a special bias towards Ugandan women that is now legendarily clichéd. They like them for their rumoured submission, politeness, beauty and big bodies that our women frown upon.In the course of my interaction with Ugandan women, here are the four most remarkable differences between them and our wonderful women.
1. Ugandan women want everything in black and whiteMy Experience with Kenyan women has taught me one thing: In a social setting, they will study your shoes, fashion sense, car before deciding if you are worth their time. This is not to say that they are in anyway materialistic or only driven by their hedonistic desires. Kenyan women sometimes like saving men troubles by being forthright rather than taking one through circles in most instances. So if awoman genuinely does not fancy a man’s style or vibe, they naturally snob him.Ugandan women will ask you every question bothering them. They will ask you if you are married. What you drive. What you want of them and so forth. They demand honesty, hence sometimes a man does not have to strive too much to impress. Kenyan women often attract scum bags who are forced to lie their way into their arms by alter egos only to learn later that they have been taken for a ride.Not to say that Ugandan women cannot be lied to given their humility and honesty but in a way, their questions do not warrant extremities in lying like in Kenya.
2. Ugandan women are cool. But they also carry acid in their bagsWorking class women in Kampala drive respectable cars, are independent and they like their beer in a quiet serene place. There is a threatening contentment about themselves that is just admirable. Hardly do they cause any drama, however drunk.Scenes from the Kenyan capital when women are drunk are never that inspiring. Even in mature clubs thronged by the working class adults. There is always drama on the dance floor, at the parking, in the corridors and even in the Washrooms. I don’t know but Kenyan women can’t keep their cool.But on the other hand,Ugandan women are notoriously vicious on their attacks on offending female competitors and deadbeat men, whenever they are driven to the edge. Kenyan women, with the exception of Nyeri, are not that vicious. They can turn the other cheek and can move on when things go wrong. They are not possessive when things go worse.3. Red-light women call all men handsomePart of the drill of studying at the University of Nairobi’s Main Campus was passing through Koinange Street at night and troubling the call girls in our youthful trouble-making days. They did not suffer fools gladly. They always told us to keep our miserable notes to ourselves and go back to study.In Kampala, I gather even if someone had big teeth and a pear-shaped head like mine, they will make me feel like Idris Elba. They are not very abrasive, maybe these things are dictated by the prevailing circumstances.
4. Ugandan women like natural hairUgandan women prefer their hair natural. That is likable. In Nairobi, women have all manner of hairstyles and they keep on inventing some. Some even have Mohawks. That one, we ought to have rule against. No artistic explanation can warrant such a hairstyle on a woman’s head. But some hairstyles are quiet fantastic. And some, a downright disappointment.But in Uganda, they prefer their hair long and blow-dried and they look cute that way. Anyway.
4. Ugandan women believe in loveUgandan women believe in love in 2017. Kenyan women lost their faith in 1999 and now a man will have to go through rigorous and ridiculous procedures to prove love. How we wish the reverse was true. Men of my generation somewhat believe in love but women of our generation are the most skeptical. These are special times. But Kenyan men who feel that they need real loving from undoubtful species, may be they should try Ugandan women.But given a choice for me…It will me a Kenyan woman, any day.
Editor's note: this article first appeared in Silas Nyanchwani's blog.