A newborn baby. [Photo/everydayfamily.com]

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Many women, and especially first time mothers, are taken aback by events that happen in the delivery room. No matter how many books you read about child and delivery, nothing can fully prepare you for some quite bizarre and to be honest, hilarious things that happen during childbirth.

You will poop

As you are pushing a whole human out of you, many more things are going to come out, and among them is poop. The nurses and midwives will not be a tad bothered, even as you squirm and apologise. They have seen this many times.

Labour takes longer than you think

Some women stay in labour for hours on end, even days. And in the process they get hungry, angry and tired. Some women labour for more than 24 hours and sometimes end up getting to go for emergency caesarean section as the baby is too tired too.

The water breaking does not happen like it does in the movies

Forget the cute splash and instant labour and the wide eyed baby that comes shortly after in the movie, a normal water break is more like a dam gushing open. Oh, and it might not happen at all by itself, you might need a doctor to prick the membrane open. And forget the Instagram worthy baby, those little humans come out white and pale and screaming their hearts out.

You might puke

If you go through a c-section, you might be so nauseated by the medication that you’ll throw up everything you eat. You could be put on a liquid diet as your body tends to reject anything you put in it. 

The level pain will surprise you

Because of the protective nature of human beings, many women tend to imagine that they’ll be the ‘special one that got away’ from the pain. They think it is an issue of mind of matter. Those are the ones that are usually in for a rude shock. The level of pain cannot be explained, it can only be experienced. You will hate everyone and everything and cry and beg and scream. Do not worry though, amnesia sets in pretty fast after the bundle of joy arrives.

Postbirth bleeding

The bleeding you’ll experience post-birth even if you had a c-section, will shame the heaviest period you ever had. Stock up on really thick, absorbent pads (and avoid tampons). You can expect the bloody discharge to last anywhere from two to six weeks. As your uterus heals, the discharge will gradually get lighter in color and flow.