Relationships don’t go bad overnight. There are subtle and destructive behavior patterns which erode the bond between spouses or partners. These toxic attitudes can turn a fairytale relationship into an MMA Super Fight. But not all is lost.
When particular destructive patterns of behavior are identified and addressed, a relationship on life support can become healthy again. Know how to identify these 7 things that might be killing your relationship, so you can catch trouble before it starts.
1. Mind reading. The easiest way to set a relationship on a death spiral is to play armchair psychic. Mind reading takes a posture of assumption instead of listening, judgment instead of compassion.
2. Criticism. One of the deciding factors for a successful marriage is evidence of criticism. Know how to spot criticism, because it could be killing your relationship.
3. Unrealistic expectations. When you begin a relationship there are certain underlying expectations. These boundaries get wrapped up in behavior and action. This might be particular chores around the house, how money is spent, or how children are disciplined.
4. Control. The desire to control your partner is rooted in fear and insecurity. A controlling attitude has more to do with us, and less with the partner.
5. Comparison. Comparing your current partner with a former relationship is a guaranteed disaster. The comparison is unfair. No one person is the standard for all relationships. If they were so great why did the relationship not work out?
6. Routine. All relationships get stale. When partners get comfortable with one another they stop doing the little things boredom and disinterest set in.
7. Stonewalling. Stonewalling is about putting up defenses and “emotionally disengaging” from the relationship. Every relationship will have conflict and strife on different levels. But, if we stonewall, we are emotionally removing ourselves from the other person.