The legendary Margaret Thatcher once said, “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” In the Song of Ice and Fire Series by George R R Martin, Tywin Lannister, a character in the book series states that "Any King who has to say "I'm King" is no King at all".
Hope by now you are catching my drift? Power struggles is an aspect that comes to fore in every aspect of our lives, be it in the workplace, within a social circle or even in politics and leadership. This notion also applies to relationships, it’s those who feel powerless who in turn act in a demanding, overwhelming, power-driven way to compensate for their perceived powerlessness.
This upset in balance brings about a negative impact on both partners and their relationships since the 'inferior' partners tend to underestimate their ability to affect others and behave in extreme ways that are aggressive or disproportionately intense.
A healthy relationship is one where both partners understand their power which should be relatively level and balanced. Here are some signs that your relationship is experiencing a power struggle:
Nothing is real about the relationship
When the couple is engaged in a continuous act of toying with each other's feelings and emotions so as to arouse jealousy or instill punishment then there's trouble brewing. If she flirts with men around you then this is one clear indication of a power struggle in the relationship.
Communication breakdown
Communication is one aspect of relationships that indicate its strength and maturity. If relationship partners are in a constant state of miscommunication i.e rather than just saying what’s bothering you, you do passive aggressive things to get your point across. Then the relationship is experiencing a power struggle.
Your partner doesn't respect your hustle
If one of the partners thinks that her job is far much important than that of their partners then this will eventually culminate in a power struggle since the insulted partner will feel inferior and unappreciated.
Constant competition
A little bit of competition is healthy for any relationship, but this should be done from a place of love and geared toward improvement. If both partners tend to outdo each other all the time, and over simple and petty things like who should be doing the dishes and who gets control of the remote. Then there's a looming Armageddon.
Insecurity by one or both partners
If there's a hovering dark halo of insecurity at every phase or accept of the relationship, then this signals abuse or discontent. If you always have to defend yourself against your partner then this shows the unhealthy consequences of a power struggle. This might be caused by constant bullying and discouragement from one partner or even both.
Partners try to shrug off the "Caring one" tag
Have you ever heard the saying about the person who cares the least has the most power? This has been proven to hold true for most relationships, so when a couple is in a constant race to be the one who cares least then this is a sure sign of an unbalanced relationship. Nobody wants to do anything special for the other for fear of being deemed the weak one.
Always arguing. Always fighting
Human beings, just like animals, are territorial creatures. So what happens when you feel like your space is being trespassed and your liberties are being infringed upon? You lash out or react in brutal defensive force. This shows that there is a deep need for territories and boundaries which never augurs well for any relationship.
Romance flew out of the window ages ago
If you are in doubt whether you still have feelings for your partner, or you keep wondering if you would fair on much better on your own then this prophesies doom. If the relationship is stale and has more of a 'brother-sister' dynamic then this shows lack of initiative or interest from both parties. Lack of leadership is just as bad as a power struggle.
Be on the lookout. Assess and Reassess!