In a world where men have been branded the name of a certain domesticated animal, you are the few remaining ones willing to testify against it should the need ever arise. On top of being faithful, you have never gambled and never gotten drunk on anything except water and milk.
With these qualities, you have since thought that any lady you approach will fall head over heels for you. Instead, you see them dating guys you’d gladly refer to a certain excretory orifice, but you were not raised like that. Along the way your paths cross with Stacy’s. She is not exactly a ravishing beauty, not the kind that forms the romance where a poor man falls in love with a rich girl. The two of you fall in love like you had been ordained by the gods.
Three years down the line, you are still daring, but there seem to be cracks in the relationship. Stacy returns your calls twenty-four hours later. The texts take a century. Deep inside you, you still try. It suddenly becomes you calling and texting while Stacy acts like it is a chore.
Then one Monday morning she tells you that she’s moving on. Or rather she has moved on. How now? You ask yourself. You’ve been faithful to her, never flirted with any girl during the relationship. Wasn’t that enough? Wasn’t that what every girl asks for?
As you sip whiskey for the first time, it dawns on you that being faithful isn’t just enough. Three years down the line, it seems, Stacy grew frustrated that prospects of marriage were not forthcoming. Every sleepover you gladly gave her money for Agent Postinor, code-named P2.
Or maybe you were not ambitious enough. Three years after graduating you have nothing to show for it. No job, and no prospects at all.
A few searches on the internet reveal what you’ve not been doing: communication. Your weakness has been dealing with misunderstandings. You have no clue how to solve problems, choosing instead to lie low for a while giving the problem a chance to sort itself.
Lastly, it dawns to you that you’ve never been there for Stacy when she needed you. Deep inside you, you think that people are equipped with devices that enable them to deal with their sorrows alone. Like you’ve been doing all along. Maybe that time someone was there to offer her a shoulder to lean on.
And you sat there, thinking about how you are the most faithful guy in north of Limpopo and south of Sahara.