Whoever said music is the universal language was totally clues about football. English Premier League to be specific. Every weekend thousands of football lovers throng drinking joints in towns, and the villagers are not left behind.
Village fans have their own places where they can catch the football, usually video dens that relentlessly play DJ Afro movies. It is here that a variety of characters congregate for football sermons, some quite rib cracking.
The lewd commentators
The minute the first whistle goes, these kinds of fans embark lewd ridden jibes aimed at the opponent. They always make reference to certain body parts, often telling the ever gleeful pack of fans about how a team is going to be deflowered. It does not help that there are kids in there.
The clueless fans
These probably are first-timers. Their grasp of the replays is as limited as a monkey’s grasp of the queen’s language. A replay on a completely different angle completely disorients their brains, where some even rise from their seats and wildly celebrate. Also, every black player is black American.
The ‘sneaking’ fans
These fans don’t have money, which is all way too broke because a match costs only Sh30. They will wait until halftime and then sneak into the hall for a free second half. Usually, it wouldn’t be a problem except that the place is usually jammed with people. So jammed that one can barely breathe, and for one to take your space, that’s the ultimate insult.
The gamblers
You will find them constantly refreshing their live score apps on their phones, following other matches. The frequency and concentration they give these apps make you think they have staked their futures on football.
Those who can’t differentiate between football banter and reality
The beauty of football is that someone will say something extremely derogatory about your team. It is normal and the fun part. But there are those who can’t take this form of banter, either responding by clobbering someone or leaving the football den in haste. There are those who become a pain in the ass, especially if a lone ranger. The members can refund him his money and order his swift ejection.
#hivisasaoriginal