Kenyan politicians are the crazy lot. In a country where issues do not define politics and political leaders, characters seeking positions have time and again turned into comedy.
Here are crazy things politicians are now doing to win voters' hearts
Attending village committees
If there is a harvest season for voters in the village, it is during campaigns. All politicians, from the village elder who rides a rickety bicycle and wants to be an MCA to Tumbo Kubwa (the default village Master of Ceremony) who wants to be governor, all are now roaming the village like hungry goats.
You will spot them in every funeral or wedding committee. And because they do a lot of walking from house to house and village to village, by the time they are sitting down to your committee at 10pm, they are smelling like Dandora dumpsite.
Distributing women towels and rubber sheaths
Be it men or women, these clique of Kenyans are now all over giving school girls towels branded with their campaign images, condoms to jobless youths and sweets to school going kids.
They also buy those cheap underpants at Gikomba and give out to desperate villagers in the interiors.
Usually, they distribute the pants at night and wink as they dish them out to women and urge them to ‘borrow their husbands’ votes for them’ during the ‘match’, kumbuka kuongea na mzee pia masaa yenyu, hapo atakuskiza na anikubali.
The naughty ones have been busted asking more than just votes from women.
Grave digging
It is that moment when the waheshimiwas are ready to pull out their cheap blazers and take that jembe to make a grave when a village loses someone. They will then take photos and post online for those in diaspora to see Mchapa kazi.
Village jigs
Everyone is now a master of the tune. Any politician must know how to ‘shake what your mumma gave you’, they have mastered songs even if it means just two words or a chorus. It will still do the trick.
Giving their numbers in public
Be it on weddings or funerals, they announce their numbers for the people to save. Just in case you can reach mheshimiwa! But the moment one wins or loses, don’t waste time trying to reach them!
Funding the boys' cut
This being the year towards elections, waheshimas will fund all the village initiation expenses for the boys.
Cooking during functions
One MP was recently pictured spinning Ugali during a village gathering. They now sit down with women and even peel potatoes, do winnowing, wash utensils and all those manner of things just for publicity stunts.