Like most families in Kenya who are yet to own their own houses, I have had to live in rented houses.
I have therefore come across various types of neighbors who are pleasant to be around while others have forced me to move out!
However, constantly shifting from one place to another just to escape the so called ‘neighbors from hell’ has not been successful as those types of neighbors can always be found in all neighborhoods.
It is then that one’s desire to own their home by any means necessary becomes stronger by the day.
Here are the various types of neighbors I have had the unfortunate experience to come across with
1) The WWF (Wrestling neighbors)
These are the type of neighbors who fight on a daily basis. One can hear the sound of cups and plates being broken with screams mostly emanating from the house. You can also hear shouting with the wife probably shouting that she will take her husband to FIDA (Federation of Women Lawyers).
It is for this reason that the neighbor will be nicknamed FIDA. The neighbors and especially the women in the plot are not in a position to help the woman as she is not ready to accept their help and will always pretend to be fine. It’s also a pity because the woman does not file a complaint with the police and as such, no action can be taken.
2) The Commercial sex worker
This is the kind of neighbor who is ready to shout all kinds of obscenities to any neighbor who seems like he/she wants to judge her. She is also not shy to seek your husband as a client in your presence and she is always ready for a fight at the slightest provocation. In a day, several men will be seen entering and coming out of her house. She is also the type who will not even care if everyone will know what business she is conducting with the men in her house and she will not even bother to put on some music just to mask the sounds emanating from her room. In other cases, this kind of neighbor will also have the landlord as her client on agreement that her house rent will be waived off. Woe unto the landlord when his wife discovers that the tenant has not been paying the house rent for a couple of months now and that the husband who normally collects the rent hasn’t bothered to follow the issue up. This is when all hell will break loose.
3) The long handed neighbor
This particular one will give you sleepless nights. You cannot even afford to leave the doormat outside as he/ she will keep it for you. It is also risky to leave your clothes on the hanging lines and especially at night as they will go missing. This neighbor mostly keeps to him/herself so that the neighbors cannot discover her/his type of ‘hustle’. Woe unto this neighbor when he /she gets caught as he/she will receive the beating of his/her life. It is then that the proverb ‘Siku za mwizi ni arobaini ( the days of a thief are numbered) ‘taught to her / him in Primary school will start to sink in.
4) The one who never pays for services e.g. garbage and security services
In most urban areas, people who live in rented houses have to pay some amount of money so that their garbagecan be collected. In most cases, the monthly payment is made in an office that is close by. The office in turn hands the client 4 garbage bags so that they can put their garbage in and leave it at the designated point during a particular time of the week to be collected.
However, some shrewd neighbors have not devised ways to avoid paying the amount by buying the same colour of garbage bag as the ones issued and putting out their garbage very early in the morning not to be discovered. Others shamelessly put their garbage in the garbage bags of those who have paid for the services without even having the decency to notify the neighbor. This neighbor will also ensure that he/she goes missing when it is time to pay up the money for security purposes i.e. the estate watchman. In this case, they get the free service of the watchmen hired by the neighbors.
5) The hanging line neighbor
This is a nickname that has been given to this type of neighbor as she does not have her own hanging lines and will constantly hang her clothes on other tenants lines.
This kind of neighbor may also have her own hanging lines but due to her many clothes, her clothes will always find a way onto your hanging lines.
6) The one who always has a bash during the weekend
Despite the fact that the neighbor may not invite you to any of these bashes, what is irritating is the loud music and noise that is bound to emanate from that neighbor’s house. Most of these houses are rented by campus students who have their whole life ahead of them and who are trying remain popular among their friends. The type of music played may leave one wondering whether a night club was opened up next door.
7) The ‘Journalist’
This neighbor is the one who will ensure that she knows everyone’s business in the plot. No secrets are too hidden for her. This is the neighbor you need to turn to if you need any kind of information whatsoever. However, you have to be careful when dealing with her as she will also pass information about you to another party.
8) The neighbor who depends on other people
This type of neighbor ensures that each and every person in the plot is their friend. She will also make sure that she visits you every now and then ‘kukujulia hali’ (to know how you are fairing). These visits are purposely meant to borrow things from you. From salt to the beautiful dress she saw you with She is bound to have a funny nickname. The song ‘wao husema fungeni milango anakuja’ (close the door for she is approaching) must have been meant for her.
9) The don’t care neighbor
There are also those who pour dirty water right outside you house. The water may have been used to wash the utensils or to mop up the house.