Baby shower decorations. (Photo/Party City)
You're invited to a surprise baby shower for a long-lost friend. The two of you never fought, you just drifted apart — and though you feel a little guilty admitting it, you're not really interested in reigniting the relationship. How can you gracefully decline?
Reply in kind
When it comes to sending RSVPs the rule is to reply the same way that you were asked, says Remer. If you get an invite then it’s entirely acceptable to RSVP via email, he explains. If you’ve been sent a card in the mail, then send your RSVP the same way.
If you have a very close relationship, however, you may want to go the extra mile and call. The personal touch never hurts.
Send a note of congratulations
After you’ve sent your regrets it’s time to send a kind note congratulating the happy couple or soon-to-be new mother, says Remer. You can choose to send a gift, but there’s no obligation to do so. Use your own judgment based on the relationship. Remer says a gift card is entirely acceptable.
Don’t feel guilty
You’ve sent your regrets, your note of congratulations, and you even threw in an adorable onesie and gift card for your blooming pal. You did everything right so don’t ruin it by feeling badly that you can’t attend, says Remer. You’re not a bad person, just a busy or overextended one who’s really looking forward to doing nothing on the long weekend. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Says Remer: “Your intention is not to make the person feel bad, so don’t feel like you are being a bad person by declining.”
Don’t skip the event if you said you were going
As the day looms, and you find something has come up to prevent your attendance (or that heck, you just don’t want to go!), be sure to let the concerned parties know you can’t make it after all. In this case, it’s wise to make a personal phone call offering your regrets.Whatever you do, resist the temptation to bail without giving advanced warning, an impolite act that rightly wins you the title of jerky pal.
Don’t over-explain yourselfKeep your explanations for why you can’t attend simple and true. There’s no need to lie or to go into epic detail, “My sister-in-law’s mother-in-law is having an operation and I need to get to Boston before…”
That’s not to say mean you shouldn’t prep yourself ahead of time, however. Phrases that come in handy when letting someone know you can’t come to their event include: “Sadly, we’ll be out of town,” “We have a previous engagement” and/or, “We have a family obligation.”
If the person who invited you presses for more information about why you can’t make it, don’t take the bait. Instead, keep cool and reiterate your reason. “If pressed, say it’s a personal matter,” advises Remer.