A couple.[Photo/weddingdigest]
In the world of intimate relationships, conflict has become the song of the day. If you heard someone say, “I love conflict with my romantic partner!” you’d probably give them a baffled side-eye. The conflict journey isn’t always unhealthy or destructive. The partners can actually overcome it. The vital key is how they approach their differences. The conflict can either be intensified or it can foster intimacy through their responses to each other.It’s reasonable to see a conflict from your own angle. It’s the one you have, right? What this view doesn’t give you is a window into how your partner's feeling and what the conflict means for them.
It’s common for people to focus on their own perspective and prepare a rebuttal to whatever their partner has to say, but this rarely, if ever, leaves couples feeling heard and connected. If anything, the more someone feels like they aren’t being listened to, the less inclined they’ll be to listen in return.
So before you do anything else, start by listening and trying to understand where your partner is coming from. And if you’re in doubt about what your partner is saying, don’t hesitate to ask clarifying questions. You might end up being surprised on how much smoother the conversation can be.One of the best things you can do to try to avoid unhealthy conflict and protect your relationship is to build goodwill with your partner by being an encouraging, helpful presence in the relationship.
Mostly if partners don’t offer each other care and understanding when they open up and share during tension-free conversations, they’re also more likely to react to moments of conflict in ways that can erode connection over time.
Instead, when your partner reaches out for support or lets you in on another part of their inner world, focus on being attentive, validating, comforting, and accepting.