Ultimately, stonewalling becomes the norm in the relationship, effectively derailing progress into emotional intimacy. In relationships where outbursts are common, bonding, the buttress for every relationship, becomes impossible. Such partners create distance between themselves by having an off-limits personal space. They might become successful in everything else but lack happiness in their lives because they did not learn how to relate with others from you. In other words, we have within us the ability to modify how we relate, and do so effectively.
1. Poor bonding
In relationships where outbursts are common, bonding, the buttress for every relationship, becomes impossible. Such partners create distance between themselves by having an off-limits personal space. Ultimately, stonewalling becomes the norm in the relationship, effectively derailing progress into emotional intimacy.
2. Secrecy
Secondly, partners become highly secretive because sharing information consistently receives a negative response. Important information in regard to property, bank accounts, personal health and other relationships is kept close to the chest.
3. Decision paralysis
This happens when people are afraid to make mistakes for fear of what might happen if they do. Many times, I have counselled men and women who are incapable of making decisions for fear of reprisal from their partners. The ‘punishments’ include verbal lashing, ridicule (especially if one fails), denial of conjugal rights, and withdrawal of financial and other forms of support.
4. Tear walls
They might become successful in everything else but lack happiness in their lives because they did not learn how to relate with others from you. Fortunately (or unfortunately), this is not the kind of thing you sit down and explain—how to love or how to be loved can only be taught by example.