Black. couple moving in together (Photo/Destiny)Moving in with your partner can seem like a lot of fun; that’s until the excitement is over and you realize you probably didn't even love your partner at all. It’s heartbreaking in so many ways.
Here’s what you need to consider before deciding to take this giant leap of faith in your relationship—a long and clear conversation where you sit down and ask the following questions.
Why are we doing this?
That may sound a little existential, but according to Dr. Stan Tatkin, couples therapist and author of Wired for Dating and Wired For Love, the idea is to get clear with about what moving in together means to each of you so there's no confusion about intentions. Are you moving in to save money on rent? Are you doing it to make your relationship feel more "official," or to prep for marriage, or to end a stretch of long-distance dating? Make sure neither of you is accidentally misleading the other about why you want to take this leap.
Will our love for one another change?
Now, there are two ways that this answer could go. One, you may discover minute things about your partner that you would never have otherwise noticed and you fall even more in love, while at the same time strengthening your bond, along the way. Two, your relationship remains platonic and after a point becomes stuck in a rut. This is when you choose to love the other person but are not actually in love with them—relationship of convenience, my friend. Point being, yes, the love will either grow, or fizzle out. Which would you choose?
When bad stuff has happened in the past, did we handle it as a team?
Think about that emergency at 3 A.M?. Were you able to figure things out together without turning on each other too quickly, or at least able to work around each other's sore spots? Tatkin advises couples to make sure they're a good team when it comes to handling crises (and high points as well), because life is hard sometimes, and more moments of stress are waiting for you down the line.
Who will pay for what?
Before couples move in together they need to be clear on their budget. It's a good idea to start by defining expenses that are joint and those that are not. Budgeting can be complicated by factors like disparity in incomes. Should the higher paid person pay more of the joint expenses or should the couple live more frugally and divide joint expenses equally?"
What do we want for our future?
Get on the same page ahead of time about whether you're looking to get married someday or are happy to keep things how they are indefinitely.