Sometimes its difficult to control the utterances that you make especially if you are angry. When you realize you offended your partner through utterances you made to him/her, here is what to do:
1. Give this person some time and space. Hurtful words elicit an emotional reaction. Sometimes it’s best to let the intense feelings cool a bit before attempting to assuage them.
2. Skip excuses and rationalizations. You’ll only dig a deeper hole by saying things like, “I was just kidding” or “I was stressed out and not thinking clearly.”
3. Take responsibility. If you’ve blown it, the best way to recover is by admitting the error of your ways. Be a stand-up kind of person, and be accountable for your actions.
4. Offer a sincere apology. Few people reject a heartfelt apology. But if they detect a whiff of insincerity, your words of contrition will fall flat.
5. Seek to make amends with a tangible act. Depending upon the degree of your slip-up, a tangible act of atonement may be called for: a handwritten note, a bouquet of flowers, or a special homemade meal.
6. Declare your intentions to tame your tongue. You can’t promise to never say something hurtful again—nobody could keep that promise. But you can promise to try your hardest to avoid making the same mistake again.
7. Invite them to ask questions. The person you hurt probably has some things to say in return. Listen carefully, without becoming defensive.