It's no secret that the biggest nightmare a woman is faced with is how to impress her mother in-law, more so, an African one. When some of them would be God sent, others maybe the devil's advocate in your life. However, they are there to stay whether we like it or not. If you are not lucky enough, you will have to put up with her in same compound.
Most of the time, new daughters in - law are not up to the task and are forced to choose whether to keep marriage for 'loves' sake or pack and go to avoid the unwelcoming mother in law.
However, here are few tips on how to stop in-law wars every now and then:
1. Give your opinion whether its welcomed or not
Don't keep to yourself comments or advises that maybe of help to her due to fear of being victimized or criticized. Even when she talks rude to you don't hold back yourself, tell her without causing any offense. For example, "I know you're trying to help, but giving me pieces of advise which I haven't asked for makes me feel immature and indecisive.''
2. Appreciate her
Nobody doesn't like to be valued and appreciated. No matter how much of a monster mother in laws maybe, a little 'thank you' may melt their hearts. Did she take the children out? say thanks, did she buy you a dress you don't fancy? say thank you, that will motivate her and improve not only your relationship with her but also with her son
3. Visit her
Everyone feels lonely and when mothers in law feel dejected and lonely, they show up at your doorstep unannounced. Don't shout at her, instead make a habit of visiting her now and then. Also when you can't make it, call her. Know how she's doing, that way she won't perceive you as someone who stole her son from her.
4. Approach her for advice when things aren't going well
She too is a mother with experience, ask her where you don't get it and she might be happy to share with you her expertise in various things. You can't find the recipe for your husband's favorite meal? ask her, she knows better. Ask her for ideas and she will feel appreciated as much.
5. Never ask him to choose between you and his mother
Women will always be women. They always want the biggest chunk of love from their husbands. Either way, a mother plays a crucial role in a man's life. Don't drive him from his mother. Instead, let their love and closeness grow and she will thank you for that. He was her son before he became your husband, remember that.
6. Keep it light
So what if she runs her finger through the quarter-inch of dust gathering on the window sill? By turning it into a joke: ('Hey - I keep that there to write 'I love you' to Fred!') you're telling her that you don't have the same priorities as she does...and you're happy with that. You're making an important point in a fun way, without causing offense.
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