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Lately, we have heard of three to four men killing their women on grounds of infidelity or such. What we know, people are walking bombs. People are stressed. The other day, a conductor wanted to run with our fare, when his bus got involved in an accident. A woman cried that the Sh 500 she had given him was the only cash she had on herself, even for dinner. The cry on her face told a different story. She was telling a cop, who promptly ignored her. But some guy picked a huge stone, and aimed at the conductor, he was willing to use the conductor's head to break the stone.
Guys are stressed out here. Financial pressure is driving us nuts. Another cop killed his lover and turned the gun on himself, as their five-year-old son watched.
There were days you could reach out to your brother or sister, or your parents and they could solve your problem with a snap of a finger. Nowadays, everyone has their personal problems. When was the last time you tried calling your friends for a soft loan of Sh 5,000? Chances are that nobody had the money.
At home, wives especially can be a source of pain and stress to many men. Our elderly men knew that women were nags and whiners and devised ways of dealing with that. Polygamy for the older generation. Our fathers' generation discovered the bar and kept their distance from their wives.
Our generation of men has not discovered how to deal with spousal pressure.
Women now more exposed, now more ambitious, can't take less in a relationship. If she doesn't like your potbelly, she will nag you until you lose it. If you are broke, she will not stop heaping pressure on you. If you going difficult days, most will not stop complicating it for you. Stress in men kills libido. But men regardless of how raw deal they give their wives, forgiving a woman is a monumentally uphill task. Physical violence is guaranteed.
It is not that women are having it easy. Our generation men, give up too easily, but the odds are stuck against them. To whom, or where should they turn to when the going gets tough.
Kenya is a society under transition. Women are empowered. The constitution and the law may be dysfunctional, but it works much more efficiently, and things that men could have gotten away with in the past alike child neglect are increasingly becoming impossible since if you have a job, the law will soon or later catch up with you.
Our politics has badly affected our economy. And the recession, the inflation is not helping matters. When NAKUMATT closes a shop, the ripple effect is huge than the media will report. Many people have been sacked and some of them are breadwinners with responsibilities chasing them from Mombasa to Malaba.
For men, once you understand that little fact, you will never be mad at your wife. Women go through so much and always want the best in a marriage or in a situation. When the pressure is too much, or when they are unreasonable, know where they are coming from, pray with them, be reasonable, and walk away when the heat is too much. Come back when they are calm, they always do.