Women are the only human beings capable of undoing a man’s 10-year effort for something as minor as arriving home late at night smelling of some odd perfume. [Photo/Timoth Tart]
Probably the one subject I know better than anyone on earth is how women sometimes cannot look beyond their noses. They are hopelessly shortsighted where it matters and far long-sighted on irrelevant things. Before women bay for my blood, hear me out first.
Women are the only human beings capable of undoing a man’s 10-year effort for something as minor as arriving home late at night smelling of some odd perfume. Rather than seek an explanation, she might proceed to break every single electronic in the house. Women are capable of abandoning their boyfriend of six years simply because they met this descendant of Adam who appreciated their new hairdo. Women want to be appreciated all the time like children, so much so that if as a man you forgot reminding her that she is beautiful, she might jump to bed with the douche-bag who says anything flattering or kind to her. NKT.
I remember this woman who was told that her husband was with a woman in a ka-local. She went there and in the parking she deflated all the car tires and walked in wielding a kitchen knife only to discover the husband was with his sister, having a drink.
Women are always carried away by simple material things. I remember one famous TV personality getting cozy with some loser just because he had on some nice subtle cologne and wore some expensive jacket. At that very moment, the guy owed me enough money to pay two-months rents in a place like South C.
I have been in the situations where I called for divine intervention. I remember a few years ago, taking some girl out. We were not conventionally dating, given that she had a fling with a friend. We were still navigating on how best to go about it. But she had expressed her emotional intentions and I had expressed my physical intentions. I had called my boy Caleb to ferry us around town and he agreed to join us for drinks. When we got out, it was Caleb who was buying the rounds. Given that Caleb drove and was buying, apparently she thought him a better bet.
I lost concentration for one fleeting moment, and the next thing I was told is that they were making out in the car. Long story short, she went away with Caleb. They dated for three tumultuous months, along the way she lost money and valuable electronics to Caleb. She got pregnant and had to abort while at it. It got really dramatic and I remember they tried to arrest Caleb. When I ran into her later she pulled me to the side of the road and asked me, without batting her eye-lids, one arm akimbo...
“Yaani, you could not have told me what I was getting myself into! Silas!”
I had a Kidero moment, but thankfully I will never raise my hand to a woman. Never ever.
Back in college, I had this young lady, two years my junior I wanted to take out. She had one of those bodies that inspire erotic thoughts in any straight man. Her hips, arguably the best I ever set my eyes on. At the time I wanted her, there was another good man who wanted her. The man was serious but he was the geeky type. She told me that she wanted me more because I was more of a bad boy (the most inaccurate description of the millennium) than him. She told me, I was better of suited. I tried to persuade her that the other man was better placed than me and will treat her better than me by far. She heard nothing of it. Sadly enough, I dismissed her and the other guy had moved on. She lost really substance while she wanted to chase the shadow that I was. Women were never gifted with better judging male character.
Recently I ran into my ex in a club. She was looking hot as ever. She was with her present boyfriend who looked like a dressed retard. I have never had kind words for men who take over my exes. The guy looked like he had smelly feet and his potbelly was ghastly. The fact that he was balding confirmed to me that my ex was into her out for desperation or because of money. Or both.
When she saw me, she run into me and hugged me, close enough to choke and suffocate me. It was exaggerated. Anyway, having dispensed with social amenities, she pointed to the table they were seated and I waved. The man smiled back like a retard. I hated him. The ex then engaged me in some small talk and told me that the man was going away and she was remaining behind with her girls. The guy left and she rejoined her girls and exactly four minutes and seven seconds, after he left, she moved permanently to my table. She was all over me like cloud cover, like nothing really ever happened. I tried to inquire about her present man and she told me,
“He is just a good man.”
Whatever that meant. More to the point she wanted to have a sleepover at my place and said she will regret nothing about it. Believe you me, not that she is loose or is she a bitch. She was undergoing some phase and maybe she thought I will be of help to her. Not that I’m so biased as to brandish women together, but I have asked all my male friends and they have agreed that women are generally short-sighted.
It was Catherine Awuor, who wrote in the Nation’s Saturday Magazine long time ago that when you get into a relationship with a woman she thinks very fast into the future. After two months, she is already picturing that dream wedding. Three months, she already has tentative names for the baby boy or baby girl. Four months, she can see that dream house and family. All the time she is harboring these fanciful thoughts, the man probably pulled out, he is just enjoying the sex before he pulls out. Women!
All the same, I have seen women in otherwise stable and functional relationships dropping their man for the bad boy or because the man is not ambitious enough. We have been dumped before because we were broke and seemingly will never get out of the gutter. While they have the democratic right to drop the loser for someone better and a more prospective man, they learn sooner rather than later that they made such a terrible move. It is always something very shameful, when she wants back and you have moved on.
When you leave another man and the next man knows what you have done, he will stop thinking with his D and sooner or later, he will discover that you will leave him the same way you left the other man. Or you just like his money or his sex. And then he will treat you like shit.
This is for women who leave their short men simply because some tall, sexually promising taller man showed up. This is for women who drop their broke boyfriend, simply because a loaded man came along and can cater for her material cravings. You know one who can buy those smart-phones…This is for women who meet a new man who happens to be funny and looks intelligent and they drop their ‘slow’ boyfriend. This is for women who under the influence of alcohol agree to be chips funguad only, for them to be kicked out in Sunday Morning.
You always look ugly at the bus stage and your pissed off faces look horribly stupefying.
And here is to men who pay school fee to their girl-friends. My advice is simple; the only time you can pay school fee for a woman is when she has four kids with you. Not one, not two, not three. FOUR. I know of men who paid school fee for a prospective wife or the actual wife having been married for a short while, only to be left by the woman by the time she completes her degree.
In the words of my friend Tony Fischer; Always treat women as enemies to avoid being disappointed. A woman can never be loyal. Their loyalty shifts very fast.
Editor's note: this article first appeared in Silas Nyanchwani's blog. Follow him on Facebook.